“You Can Do This”

I would like to be able to say that after my last blog things began to get better. That physically I was recovering and emotionally I was thriving. That I had been able to go back to ministry and regular life here at Dunamis and that I was living out all the Lord had been teaching me.

After all, it’s all for the kingdom, right?

While these are all things that I would like to say, they simply aren’t the truth. If I’m being completely honest, a few days after I posted my last blog, I got worse. I was still sick to my stomach, I had a pounding headache, I was really dizzy, and I was out of it.

Back to the emergency room I went.

I was there a lot longer the second time than I was the first, and this time they had to bring in a specialist because the regular emergency room doctor wasn’t 100% sure what the problem was. While we waited to hear from the specialist, my squad leader and I video called in to our team time back at Dunamis.

I barely remember it.

Eventually, the specialist came and told me I had a stomach infection on top of the parasite I’d had. I was also hypertensive and still feeling the effects of the vertigo they told me I had. To put it simply, I was one sick gal.

They decided not to admit me to the hospital, so we went back to Dunamis that night. However, the next day I was still not feeling well. The antibiotics they gave me at the hospital were taking a long time to kick in, and mentally I was exhausted from being sick for two weeks. My parents were growing concerned. Questions about me possibly needing to go home began floating to the surface.

I had a breakdown and told the Lord that I couldn’t help but feel like I had been abandoned. I needed Him to show up because I didn’t know where else to go from there.

That night, while I was asleep, I got a sweet message from a dear friend who is a missionary in Indonesia.

“You can do this.”

I asked her the next morning if there was any chance the Lord had asked her to tell me that, and she told me He had. I was blown away. She didn’t know how sick I was. She didn’t know the situation. She simply allowed the Lord to use her to speak into my life. And I am beyond grateful.

The Lord has been so faithful to show me that my feelings are not always correct. I may feel alone, but I am not alone. I may feel abandoned, but I am never abandoned. There is so much beauty in the promises the Lord has made to us.

We may not always feel them, but they are there. And they are something that we can cling to when the enemy tries to tell us otherwise.

I am happy to report that I am FINALLY feeling better. Praise the Lord. I have been back to ministry and back to going on adventure days and back to spending sweet time with my squad. I am so, so thankful. And in case you find yourself in need of this reminder today…

You can do this.