Where are your feet?

The one question that I absolutely hate being asked is this: 

What are you doing after the race? 

I hate this question because I don’t know the answer. I hate this question because it is actually very loaded. I hate this question because it’s a question that I don’t want to think about. But mostly, I hate this question because it opens the door for me to get VERY distracted. 

The truth, simply put, is that I have absolutely no idea. Before coming on the race I thought that I knew what I was doing after, but the Lord has since ruined every single one of those plans, and now it feels like I have no direction. About a month into my race I surrendered my future to the Lord and I felt so much peace about it even though I didn’t know what it would look like. 

Then someone asked me that seven word question and my brain began to think too much. I got so caught up in wondering what my life would look like that I began trying to take control over it again. I started making these little plans and then I would be upset because they weren’t plans that I was actually excited about. 

I was making plans just to have a plan rather than trusting that sweet Adonai already had one. 

One day a few weeks ago I was talking to my parents about how I didn’t know what I was going to do after the race, and that my plan included praying that God would show me. My father, I’m sure in his loving fatherly concern, told me that maybe I should start praying that God would show me now. 

I panicked. 

I know that God does not work in our time and even though I had been praying for guidance, I hadn’t really gotten any. I felt so much pressure to have my life together and all figured out and I began to get really upset. At one point I was crying telling my team leader all of this and I said “I’m going to end up working at some miserable job for the rest of my life because God will just never give me guidance.” 

One of the other team leaders on my squad heard me and said “Maybe right now God is just wanting you to be right where your feet are.” 

Suddenly my heart stopped racing and the tears quit falling. I suddenly had this overwhelming realization that in my worrying about what my future would look like I was missing all of these moments the Lord has been so kind to give to me. Then came a small voice…

Be present. 

Sometimes in life we have a tendency to always be looking towards the future rather than choosing to live in the moment. For example, my team and I often talk about marriage and our future husbands. I find myself constantly saying things like “Ugh I just want to get married!” and failing to remember that when I was in middle school all I wanted to do was graduate high school so I could pursue full time missions. And now too often I have found myself missing out on this opportunity God has given me because I’m constantly looking forward to the next stages of my life. 

I have been in Alabama serving with Samaritan’s Purse for four days now doing disaster relief from Hurricane Sally, and I have constantly been asking myself where my feet are. Am I choosing to be fully present in the moment or am I constantly worrying about what my life will look like? Am I choosing to tear down a ceiling and shovel ruined insulation with my whole heart or am I wishing I was 30 and had my own home? Am I taking the time to minister to those around me or am I freaking out about whether or not I’ll go to college? 

Being present is not always easy. Especially during the last few days as I have found myself covered in nasty insulation from head to toe (except for where my N95 mask was strapped to my face!) and all I can think about is how much I want to take a shower. Or when I’ve been raking up debris all morning and all I want to do is eat lunch. Or even when I’ve been on my feet all day and I just want to crawl into my sleeping bag for the night. 

But the Lord is so kind to gently remind me that He created this moment, this exact instant, just for me and I get to choose how I will live it out. He has also reminded me that I don’t HAVE to do anything, but I GET the privilege of partnering with Him in all that He is doing. I pray I never miss out on that! 

So how will you spend your days? Are you living in the moment or are you always on the edge waiting for something more? Are you choosing to live in the beautiful day that the Lord has made or are you simply praying for another one down the road? Dare I ask you…

Where are your feet?