Everything You’re Running From

Hi friends! I unfortunately have a lot of extra time on my hands right now (more on that in a bit) so I figured now was the perfect time to sit down and tell y’all about all of the things God has been teaching me so far here in Gainesville. 

As many of you probably already know, I was really nervous to leave my hometown and move here. There were so many times that I simply panicked about not knowing what was going to happen and the anticipation of saying goodbye to everyone was killing me. I was talking to one of my favorite people about how nervous I was and suddenly said “but sometimes the only way out is through everything you’re running from, so I think I just need to do it and get it over with.” 

I laugh now to think that I said that, because it is an idea I wish I had remembered once I actually got here. Because the truth is that God has wrecked me with something every week since I’ve been here and they have all been through things that I was running from. Allow me to explain. 

For those of you who don’t know, coming into the World Race Gap Year I was in a relationship with a guy that I really liked. He is one of the kindest, most respectful Jesus loving guys I have ever known. Him and his family have been huge blessings in my life the past few months and they were all SO supportive of my leaving to follow Jesus. I had every intention of making our relationship work long distance until I got back in nine months. 

And then God asked me to give him up. 

To put it simply, I did NOT want to do this. I didn’t understand why God would want me to, and I fought it for days. However, I began to get anxious because I knew that I wasn’t following through with the call God put on my heart. So, less than a week after my moving to GA, I had a very difficult phone call to make. 

(By the way, if you know who I’m talking about and you happen to have the blessing of seeing him in person, please feel free to give him a high five. He reacted so beautifully to everything I had to say and I am so thankful for him.) 

After that was over, I genuinely thought that the hard part was over. God was going to give me a break because He saw how broken my heart was over telling my boyfriend we had to “take a break” until I got back, ya know? HAHA. Y’all. Let me tell you something. 

Last week we had a lot of teachings on forgiveness and grace. One particular teaching on forgiveness really stuck out to me because the speaker mentioned that sometimes it is ourselves we have to forgive. I immediately felt the weight of all my past mistakes and things I had never told anyone before. I realized that he was right and that I needed to learn to show myself forgiveness, but God also put on my heart that I needed to share those things with my parents. 

I wish I was kidding. Seriously. I fought it and fought it and finally broke down again. My squad leader has officially named me the queen of hard phone calls, because that night I called my parents and told them about mistakes I had made in my past that I had never told anyone before. 

That brings me to this week and the reason I have all this free time on my hands. At the beginning of this week I started to not feel well. At first I totally dismissed it because the weather here in Georgia has been crazy lately and I was sure it was just from that. I was also really afraid that if I told someone I had a runny nose and sore throat I would be put in isolation because of all the precautions they are taking with COVID-19. Don’t get me wrong, I totally get it, but isolation sounded so lonely and miserable. Do you see where I’m going with this? 

I ended up feeling so poorly Monday night that I was on the phone with a physician through the program we use to monitor covid symptoms, and surprise surprise, I was to be put in isolation and tested for covid. I am shaking my head as I type this. 

It’s funny, because as hard as these things were for me to do, and as hard as I fought to keep them from happening, they have actually been huge blessings. Not actively pursuing my relationship right now has allowed me to grow deeper in my faith and walk with Christ. Telling my parents about things I never wanted to admit has allowed me to forgive myself and learn to walk in freedom. Getting put in isolation has showed me all the ways that God pursues me even when I feel alone, and going to get tested for covid actually opened the door for me to get tested for strep… which I DID end up testing positive for. (no covid… thanks God!)

God really does know exactly what we need. And He is so faithful to work through every step we take in obeying what He asks us to do. That does not make it easy or fun. Sometimes it’s messy. Y’all, I called my parents in my squad leader’s truck in the middle of a tropical storm. But He met me there in all my brokenness and He held my hand and He got me through it. 

Sometimes the only way out really is through everything you’re running from. That’s okay. He is so faithful to meet you there. 

Love from my room of isolation 🙂