Abba, Father

I think sometimes people have a tendency to read blogs, see pictures on Instagram, or read information online and see the World Race as a fabulous trip where we have the most fun while also learning about Jesus. Don’t get me wrong, because it IS fun, and we DO learn about Jesus. But it is also very, very hard. So I thought that to open this blog I would share with you guys my journal entry from Monday: 

It is Monday. I have not showered since Thursday. It doesn’t really matter, though, because I have no clean clothes after the rain from the hurricane south of us completely flooded my tent and everything in it. It is nine o’clock in the morning and I have already taken my tent apart and moved it to the field by my campsite in hopes that the sun will dry it out. My hair has been in the same messy bun for the past two days. It don’t think my shoes have ever smelled this bad. I am covered in mud but, as I mentioned, I don’t have anything to wear right now. A few days ago our normal schedule changed and now everything feels like mass chaos. Half the time I’m not sure what’s going on. I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve had a ten minute breakdown, reminded myself to be flexible, and then moved on like nothing happened. Sometimes people irritate me. Sometimes it’s hard choosing to put other first especially when you don’t feel like that mindset is reciprocated. The weather here simply cannot make up its mind. We have all four seasons in one day sometimes. I am exhausted and overwhelmed but at least my things aren’t moldy…  psych.

I hope you don’t read this and think that I’m complaining or that I hate my life here because truthfully I am thriving most days. But sometimes things really just get to me and Monday was one of those days! 

But can I tell you guys something? God used my crazy day on Monday to show me something really really cool. 

I wrote all of this on Monday morning during our quiet time. I had spent the entire morning trying to move my tent into the sun so that it would dry. My clothes were soaked, my backpack was soaked, and the package I had gotten from my family had gotten wet. My tent is my home right now, and having everything in it flooded was really frustrating and overwhelming for me. 

After quiet time we had our morning teaching, and after it was over someone on my team had stepped outside for a second and said five words that sent me completely over the “I’m going to lose my mind” edge: 

“I think it rained again.” 

ON MY TENT. Completely exposed. Out in the field where is was supposed to be DRYING. It rained again. 

I decided to walk back to the campsite to check my tent because I just didn’t know what else to do. I cried the entire walk back. I was so frustrated and I just couldn’t help it anymore. The tears ran down my face as I hiked up the janky stares to get to our campsite and I told God how frustrated and tired I was. 

“God, hurricane season is CANCELLED. Seriously.” 

I laugh to think that I said that now, but in that moment I meant it. It was just a reflection of my inability to control my situation and how helpless that made me feel. 

I make it all the way to my campsite, my eyes red and puffy, and I walk up to where I had laid my tent in the field. I stared at it for a moment because of how angry I was until I got closer and realized something. 

It was dry. 

Like, within the two hours it sat in the field in the overcast sky my tent had completely dried. I felt the inside and sure enough. There wasn’t any water anywhere. Immediately a verse came to my mind: 

“Your Father in heaven knows what you need before you ask Him” (Matthew 6:8) 

I then started crying for a completely different reason. In case you haven’t read any of my other blog posts, I am currently in the process of trying to understand God’s heart for me because I used to see Him as constantly angry and frustrated with me. This was such a victory! It revealed to me that God knows me so well that He knew what I needed and He took care of it for me before I even asked Him to. While I talked to Him on the way to the campsite I told Him I was canceling hurricane season because I didn’t want my tent to be flooded anymore and He had already taken care of it. 

It also reminded me of the other day when my team was serving meals and all of the bananas were gone for breakfast. I was so annoyed because I had just REALLY wanted a stinkin banana but they were gone. Then a little while later someone came up to me and said “hey I don’t want my banana is there any chance you’ll eat it for me?” 

Y’all. HE KNOWS. And He CARES. Even in the little things! 

This has been such an exciting time for me because I’m beginning to understand that hating His children is just something that God doesn’t do. That has brought so much freedom. 

Don’t get me wrong, I am still learning. I am still trying to understand. But now when I think about our heavenly Father I no longer see a giant question mark. I’m pretty sure I’m starting to see a heart. 

My team has encouraged me in using a different name for God, because too often when I’m talking with Him I associate the word “God” with the negative way I used to see Him. So I’ve began to start calling him “Abba,” and it has actually started to make a difference. 

Anyway, that’s all I have for now! Thank you for reading and being so supportive! We have some exciting stuff coming up so stay tuned 🙂